How to Be a Good Divorced Dad: Being the Best Parent You Can Be Before, During and After the Break-Up By Jeffrey Leving.  Mr. Leving is one of the country’s leading father’s rights experts and has authored at least two other books aimed at men involved in the divorce process.  While Mr. Leving’s previous books have been a bit aggressive at times, his newest project looks like it will provide a great deal of practical advice for the divorcing dad.

Bigger than a Bread Box By Laurel Snyder.  Over the last few years, divorce and separation have become somewhat common themes in children’s books.  There are a number of books specifically for the purpose of assisting parents in discussing divorce with their children.  Bigger than a Bread Box, however, is a children’s book that deals with divorce/separation topic, but isn’t ABOUT divorce.  At the center of the story is child figuring herself out in a new town, in a new living situation, and with a changed family.

The Complete Guide to Shared Parenting After Divorce: What You Need to Know to Co-Raise Your Child Successfully.   There is truly nothing more critical for divorcees with children than determining how to co-parent during and after their divorce is complete.  I am a huge fan of any book that encourages and assists parents in creating a healthy and successful co-parenting relationship.  I encourage parents to read the book at the same time – consider it a mini-book club.

The Gallion ruling is the latest in a string of cases evidencing just how significantly social media is affecting litigation.  In March 2011, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers issued the result of surveying, which reported that 80% of divorce cases now include evidence from social media sites.

A reminder for all those involved in any kind of limitation – if you wouldn’t want a Judge to read it, DON’T put it online!  

1. Money, gifts, sweets and indulging don’t “make up” for anything. Your child is going to have TWO Christmases. No need to feel guilty. Most kids say the dual holidays are the best thing about being a divorced kid.
2. If possible, make your plans with your ex-spouse ahead of time and stick to them. Let the kids know where they will be and when. It helps them feel in control. Let them make only age appropriate decisions. A good rule of thumb: if it is not a decision you would let your children make while you were married, then don’t let them make it now. Let your kids be kids.
3. Be flexible. No, this is not a contradiction of #2. It means that stuff happens. So if your ex is two hours late because of an ice storm or because his cousin Joey showed up late, try to let it go.
4. Keep your anger, resentment, annoyance, disgust about your ex, his sports car, his/her new love and his family, to yourself. Remember, your kids are part of both of you and when you slam your child’s other parent, your child feels slammed as well.
5. Do not make your children responsible for your happiness. “Go have a good time with Dad in Jamaica, while I sit here miserable and all alone,” only breeds resentment and guilt in your child.
6. Don’t compete. If he can afford more than you – fine. Rather than resenting his/her father( or mother), appreciate that your child can experience things you can’t buy him/her. Don’t overspend to keep up. Make memories by doing fun things together – bake cookies, read a Christmas story, build a snowman. Money does not buy love.
7. The new girlfriend (or boyfriend) cannot and will not take your place.Children are unbelievably loyal. They can love many people, but the title and honor of parent is yours and will be only yours forever. So, relax. Deal with your jealousy without making your kid responsible for your feeling threatened. This is simply not the job of the child.
8. Divorce is the severing of the adult relationship and should not be the termination of the parent-child relationship, no matter how much you really can’t stand him/her. If your child is not in harm’s way, the relationship needs to continue. This is the CHILD’s right. If you really feel the child is in danger, then get a lawyer, prove it and have supervised visitation. Never keep a child from being with a parent based on your own feelings!
9. Lastly, remember that you are the adult. Suck up your anger toward your ex and make the holidays wonderful for your kids.

Source:  ”Children, Divorce & the Holidays: Making it Happy not Horrible!” by Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, a licensed psychotherapist in Connecticut and the author of From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce, which won an Honorable Mention Award by the Independent Publishers Association. To read more about the author and her work, please visit www.donnaferber.com.

William Doherty, a professor at University of Minnesota and co-author of the Second Chances Act says the reason for the Act is not to end divorce entirely, but to create additional speed bumps in the road to divorce.

Given the legislation presented during the last session of the Montana Legislature, it seems fairly likely that something similar to the Second Chances Act will pop up during the next session.

To learn more about the proposed Second Chances Act, read the full proposal here.

The report is essentially a gathering of other resources and reports, all of which have a great deal of information on teen marriage, education, choosing a spouse, and teen pregnancy.   Though a bit outdated at eight years old, the report is a great starting point for those looking for information that affects their teens.

The study traced a group of 84 identical twins who completed lifestyle studies and hormone tests.  Those who were happily married, used sun protection and steered clear of alcohol had fuller heads of hair.

The good news?  Hair loss treatment is often effective.  And those who reduce their stress by ending an unhealthy marriage might actually see improvement.  Read more about the study here.

The hugely successful online role-playing game MapleStory recent reported that the divorce rate in cyberland is currently at about 75%.  Nexon, the makers of MapleStory, recently reported that of the 26,982 in-game marriages (which cost $25.00 a pop, by the way) that took place this year, 20,344 ended in annulment/divorce.

Just like divorce in the real world, MapleStory players don’t divorce for free.  An in-game divorce costs 500,000 Mesos (aka MapleStory money) and players must relinquish their wedding ring.  Players must also wait ten days before marrying someone else.

Many factors decrease the risk of divorce significantly.  For example, earning over $50,000 annually decreases the risk of divorce by 30%.  Graduating from college decreases the chance by 25%; marrying over the age of 25 decreases the risk by 24%; and religious affiliation decreases the chance by 14%.   In contrast, some of these factors increase an individuals chance of divorce.  Making under $25,000 annually, having a child before marriage, and not completing high school are all factors that tend to increase the risk of divorce.

For more information, access the 2010 State of Our Unions study at the link above.

Though there are not any official statistics, other attorneys are experiencing the same late summer rush.  There are several theories as to why the end up summer is such a busy time.  Some suggest that individuals want to wait until family vacations are over and the children are back in school to get the process started.  Others suggest that the heat of late summer causes mood changes that could encourage filing for divorce.  Some attorneys have a more philosophical approach, suggesting that the end of a season could encourage self-reflection, causing an individual to take the step to start anew.

Whatever the reason, late summer in the Flathead is no exception.  I see a dramatic increase in work in the mid-to-late summer months, causing me to cram my summer fun into the early part of the season.   What does this mean to someone who may be considering filing for divorce in Montana?   Truthfully, a busier divorce season probably won’t affect you too much.  If you are considering filing for divorce and are planning to wait until late summer, you may find it more difficult to get an appointment with an attorney.   You may also see a bit more of a delay in getting your initial divorce paperwork filed and you may end up with a later trial date.   Those delays could extend your divorce process by several weeks to a few months.   In the grand scheme of the divorce process, a couple of weeks may not be all that long.  However, if you are particularly anxious to get the ball rolling and are hoping to move things along quickly, it may benefit you to get the divorce process started, rather than wait for the late-summer rush.

Once again, it is necessary to give a WARNING: Because the bulk of my practice is in Flathead County District Court in Kalispell, this series is most relevant to my local court.  Scheduling, practice and procedure can very from county to county and even from judge to judge.  Because of that, I strongly urge anyone with a hearing/trial to go and observe their local court and the judge specifically assigned to their case.  Call your local Montana District Court courthouse to find out when to see your judge in action.

If you do have an attorney, you will be sworn in (i.e. swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God) and will take the witness stand.  Your attorney will have the opportunity to ask you questions first – this is called “direct exam.”  Your attorney’s questions will be “non-leading” questions.  This means that they will generally be open-ended questions that cannot be simply entered with a “yes” or “no” answer.  Non-leading questions often begin with who, what, where, or when.  On direct exam, it is your opportunity to tell your side of the story.  Your goal, however, is to tell your story fully and completely without being long-winded or giving irrelevant information.

If you are not represented by an attorney at your hearing or trial, the Judge may have you testify from your seat at the counsel table, rather than take a seat at the witness stand.  Even if you do not take the witness stand, the Judge will still have you sworn in  and you will be expected to testify truthfully.  If you do not have an attorney, you will not have someone asking you questions on direct exam.  Instead, the Judge may ask you questions or the Judge may just ask you to tell him/her whatever you feel is important.   Even without an attorney, your goal is the same.  Tell the Judge your side of the story without wasting the court’s time.

Once you are done testifying on direct, the other side will have the opportunity to cross-examine you.  During cross-exam, the adverse may ask you “leading” questions, or questions that are designed to lead you to a certain answer or conclusion.  You may get questions that being with, “isn’t it true…” or “won’t you admit that….”  Generally the adverse is looking for a yes or no answer, but you may be unable to answer a question with simply yes or no.   If the other party does not have an attorney, the court may allow the person to ask you cross-exam questions.  As you can imagine, cross-exam can turn ugly when no attorneys’ are involved, so the Judge may handle the case a bit differently to avoid a verbal altercation between parties in court.

After cross-exam, your attorney can come back and ask you some additional questions to clean up any issues that may have arisen during cross-exam.  This is called re-direct.  Your adverse can then do re-cross, your attorney can do re-re-direct, and so on.  It can go on and on!

During your testimony, the Judge will be assessing many things about you – not just what you say.  Some of the things the Judge will be considering are the following:

1. Truthfulness.  Does a witness seem to be telling the truth?  Does the witness have reason to lie?  Would the witness gain anything by lying?  Does this witness seem/appear truthful?

2.  Impeachability.   Is there something about this witness that makes them unreliable or would diminish the value of their testimony?

3.  Demeanor.  Does the witness seem confident, nervous, afraid, etc?  Did the witness dress appropriately for court?  Does the witness treat the Judge and other court personnel with respect?

Testifying in court can be extremely nerve-wracking.  The more prepared you are, the better you will feel.   Again, I urge anyone who will be testifying in court to go watch a hearing or trial.